Toyota Vios Advertisement.

Priest in Alaska

A priest is sent to a remote part of Alaska and a bishop goes up to visit him one year later.

Bishop: How do you like it up here?
Priest: If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Would you like a martini?
Bishop: Yes.
Priest: Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

Berlitz Ad (for language training) about a newbie officer at a German Coast Guard post.

We're (each) having a baby.

Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course."

"Try heaven," said the caddy. "You've already moved most of the earth."

An ad for Show Bound Naturals dog food.

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
-- Jackie Mason

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.